SeanPiotrowski Interviews Internet Kid

“My girl likes to party all the time party all the time parrrrttyyyy all the timmmmeeee” Yes its true I know girls who like to party all the time. Welcome to another edition of the dimesia I call my collective conciousness. To whet your appitite today I give you an early post with an interview with a man I’ve never met. He’s a character introduced to me through my good friend Shane Pajak. His name is Timmy Dierkes and he has an interesting hobby and that is he is the master of Mix CDs. I sat down with him tonight to get more info inside this art of Mix CD making:

Sean: Introduce yourself
Tim: alright my name is Timmy Dierkes. by birth its timothy, and most of the time its Tim.

Sean: where you from
Tim: born in alsip, IL home of a guinness world record for most syllables rapped in a minute. set by Rebel XC (over 600). moved to lockport, IL in 1994. lockport is the
home of the first steel plow.

Sean: Very Interesting. How old are you?
Tim: 20

Sean: Now correct me if im wrong you are famous for your cd mixes?
Tim: that is correct sir. world class famous you should hear the first agnes mix. revolutionized the mix cd

Sean: Tell me about some of your mixes?
Tim: it all began with “booyah mix” thats when mp3s were just becoming widespread. so it was really just odds and ends. by booyah 4.0 it became an art form

Sean: sounds like a party in disc form
Tim: sounds from movies incorporated, no bands repeated, 80s represented

Sean: very amazing
Tim: booyah 10 was a greatest hits. booyah 10 i let people vote. big mistake, it was my only failure. so on 20 its all me and it will shock the world. some songs will appear with my vocal talents adding to the mix. i sing a little meatloaf

Sean: very exciting. Now it is my understanding you use Mix Cds to talk to women?
Tim: truly the best way to speak to a female is the mix cd

Sean: tell me about this
Tim: song selection can say so much more than my clumsy words ever could. i started dating this chick helen. helen is in lockport, me at school 2 hours away. i mail her “mix tape for helen”. called a tape yet its a cd. she listens. it literally blows her mind. she is amazed at my talent; her older sister borrows it constantly likely falls in love as well. i slow it down a notch for disc 2, the flame is still burning. disc 2 the original is STOLEN. her sisters discman ripped off with the CD inside. so some stranger is probably in love with me. anyway, helens leaving for a trip to poland, will be gone all summer and i make disc 3. she listens to it in poland for months, keeps us alive. so i make disc 4 for an anniversary and i notice a decline in appreciation. still, some appreciation.

Sean: Sounds to me like you were slackin
Tim: not so, i mean dude; i fade out songs and shit. it was still amazing

Sean: Utter Craftsmanship
Tim: so i notice something. helen is becoming more and more a bitch, calling me less and less, relationship not so good. i decide to save it via a cd. her birthday is approaching in april of 02. i make a ridiculously tight cd. get this, first, it was full cover art, not just any art; pics of me and her, a random picture of arnold from the movie collateral damage…the cd itself has 3 pics on the label: my head, her head next to it, and mr t’s head looking at us menacingly. i literally cross fade songs into each other

Sean: Nothing says romance like Mr. T and Arnold
Tim: yes i needed to make her laugh. the first song? Happy Birthday Helen. something i dug up by deep blue something, the one hit wonder who did breakfast at tiffanys

Sean: yes we all know that ditty
Tim: this disc was a masterpiece in every sense

Sean: sum up what happened
Tim: she dumps me the night i get back home from school. its sad, we talk a week later she mentions various factors leading to the breakup. in passing,
she says that the cd you made me, it wasnt like the others, you just put songs you thought I’d LIKE, not songs with meaning. immediately i was over her. i realized she was worthless. So then later on I met this girl agnes in a class. i mention to agnes that i am sick of all my cds. she volunteers to make me one. she does and its amazing. i just gave her the agnes cd a few days ago and, its love.

Sean: thats truly an amazing saga. Do you have some tips out there for aspiring mix masters like yourself?
Tim: of course.
1)never use a band twice on one cd. thats a fool’s move
2)kick it off with an instrumental. make people WANT words, by the time track 2 is there they NEED vocals.
3)use, but dont overuse, obscure movie sounds. i call them zounds.

Sean: why zounds?
Tim: it has to do with the practice of replacing the letter S with Z constantly. began with an SNL skit. “zima: tastes like zit.”, “limp bizkit zux”

Sean: I got it. what else?
Tim: 4)give them shit they dont know in the beginning but also, use a single that you know theyll love but havent heard yet. people like that.
5)represent the 80’s. the 80s were an amazing decade, people need 3-4 80’s songs per disc
6)put a cover on there, but only if it truly works

Sean: I like the think that Eddie Murphy’s Party all the time defined the decade’s music pinnacle
Tim: you might have something there
7)dont put anything slow on there
8)do something funny with song editing. once i found the youngstown song on my friend mark’s computer, go go gadget, so i took that song and faded its beginning into a linkin park song. suddenly a new mix was born! it fooled mark and mocked him also. dont be afraid to edit a song. you know the song my disease by saliva? the best part of that song is the beginning when he says “huuuh” so, i edited it so he said he says it 5 times seamlessly. suddenly the song is worthwhile.

Sean: way to breathe new life into a mundane tune. Any other last words?
Tim: dont be afraid to redo it if it sux. make it 18.1 and discard the 1st version.

Sean:Tim I’d like to thank you for enlightening us with your words and talent that you have
Tim: you’re most welcome

Be sure to check out Tim’s Downloadable song of the day by clicking HERE. I’ll have more for you later. Enjoy for now!