Who Goes Fishing Anymore?

“This is Whit…He likes Fishing and throwing parites where you pay $5 to drink beer…”

Hello one and hello all. How are you today? I am doing well. This weekend has shaped up to be quite an interesting one. Lots of weird and odd things have happened and I have decided, like always, to share them with you all…

Friday evening when I last left you I was headed to the boardwalk with Turbo, 1985, and Firehouse. This was my third trip this week to the Seaside Boardwalk as I am a huge fan of it and can never get enough of it. The trip was pretty normal for about 3 seconds until we saw Dan “The Gay Frenchmen” Hartnett. I hate him. So does everyone else I know. We had trouble deciding if Dan had gotten Fat or Jacked. We all opted for Fat because it is degrading to be fat and we all know I hate fat people. Upon walking more down the boardwalk nothing exciting happened except for the perusing of the typical freakshow, no relation to me, parade that is the Seaside Boardwalk. Upon hitting the end we turned around and headed back. 1985 brought his huge vault of tickets for rides we opted to experience a few. First up was the bumper cars. It was loads of fun. But I will admit I was quite perplexed when I heard the announcement at the beginning “No head on bumping”. What the fuck is that? Isn’t that the whole point of bumper cars is to hit people head on? It was nice to see that they did not enforce this rule. Especially when I was taking out the two twelve year old girls who decided to gang up on me. Head ons for the both of them. It was quite a rewarding experience. Now the crown jewel of our evening occured shortly after this. The ride “Rock N Roll Express” is modeled after the Himalaya except that it tilts to the side and swings back and forth as it goes in circles. Like the Himalaya music is played as you spin around in circles and a “DJ”, notice the quotes, usually plays music along with your ride. Well my friends this evening the world’s greatest Ride Operating DJ was working our ride and let me tell you, This guy was the Funk Flex of Ride DJs. With him at the controls and spinning such classics as the first song I can’t remember and then leading us into Nas’ “I Can” it was pure gold. This guy was giving “Shout outs to Danielle and all her cousins riding with us tonight” and “Hey there goes another party girl right there” and also working the crowd getting us to shout and woop and holler along with him. Also it was the longest ride in the history of the world. We were on there easy for like 10 minutes spinning around. Where as the group after us had a 4 minute ride tops. Apparently this guy’s name is Charlie. He is a black man with white blotches on his face. If you see him working on the “Rock N Roll Express” on the Coin Castle Pier I highly suggest you get some tickets and ride the ride. You will never forget the night you rode with Seaside’s own Funk Flex of Ride DJing…

After spending sometime with Funk Flex we hit up the Sawmill for some pizza and called it an evening. Upon dropping Firehouse and Turbo off at their homes Firehouse decided to throw a Wendy’s bag at my head. I then proceeded to get out of my car and remove her physically from my backseat. Eventually I backed off and went and threw the bag away in her garbage can. As I was doing this Firehouse did the most unspeakable thing probabily you could ever do to me. She took my entire Wendy’s cup full of ice and dumped it onto her lawn and then ran like a scared little bitch into her garage and tried to close the door on me. At which I proceeded to chase her into her garage and yell “I WILL STEAL YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD ULLMAN IF ITS THE LAST THING I DO!” Firehouse may have won that battle but the war is far from over. So Firehouse in the words of Ronnie James Dio, “Something is coming for youuuu…LOOK OUT!”

Last night I went to a party with Shane at his friend Whit’s house. Beau and his girlfriend Katie were also there. Upon entering and paying my $5 for access the the keg and then having my hand stamped 3 times the evening began. This evening turned out to be one of the most interesting and intreguing evenings of my life. Here are some highlights: Upon meeting a gentlemen by the name of “Ice Goose” and his bottle of Grey Goose I said to him “Grey Goose and a whole lotta hydro”. I was speaking his language apparently because that phrase was shared many times between me and the “Ice Goose”. Marianna decided to play Christopher Columbus and discover for females every where that I have a nice and tight ass. After which all the ladies were discovering the riches and beauty that my ass possesses at the party. I saw Shane’s ex, Melissa #1. I did not recognize her she underwent a metamorphisis. Beau humped my leg on three seperate occasions. This girl who I think was named Courtney decided to put a sign up on a door that said “VIP ROOM 18 AND OVER ONLY” Which I think is pretty gay. Anyway someone took it down and she wanted to know. So she of course asked me if I knew who was behind the schemery. Me being the intellegent man that I am said, “Yea I did. I took it down THEN I WIPED MY ASS WITH IT” even though I didn’t. She was quite upset about that. As she should be because it was the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard at a party. And then my friends the most unexpected and most surprising thing of all happened…The girl who threw up all over my bathroom that infamous evening three years ago showed up! Thats right folks the girl from that crazy and insane story I shared with you not so long ago in my interview showed up. It had been about three years since the three of us had been reunited. And there she was. I spoke to her briefly and I think I lost about 100 IQ points just for talking to her. I seriously never felt so dumb after conversing with someone in my entire life. It was like she sucked all the intellegence out of me for like 5 minutes. It was horrible. The funny thing was the whole night I heard people saying to other people, “Yo thats the girl Shane did from that story on that Kid’s website” and then the other person would go “OH SHIT. YOU’RE RIGHT! HAHAHHA!”. It was a very proud moment for me to hear people mentioning my website in that way. I shed a tear. Also through out the evening when people would ask me my name that I didn’t know and I would say, “Sean Piotrowski. Nice to meet you.” They’d all say “OH SHIT YOU’RE THE ONE WITH THE SITE! I FREAKING LOVE YOU MAN!” IT also was nice to hear these words from complete strangers. I know I owe a lot of that to Shane and Beau for spreading the word through Whit’s circle of people and also to some degree Whit because I’ve been told he reads me from time to time. So THANKS GUYS! After all of that this girl named Jade started bugging out on the couch because she was hepped up on some crazy drugs. Saying “I Don’t FEEL SAFE HERE I HAVE TO LEAVE!” Then the stupid girl who Shane stole from was telling her to calm down and that I would all be ok. At this point I had felt it was time to leave. I rounded up Shane, Beau, Katie, and Jaime and we headed to IHOP at 2 AM all paid for by a drunken Beau and then I drove Beau and Katie home. While Jamie drove Shane home…

All and all a very interesting and entertaining weekend. I’m going to go spend the last few hours of it with Firehouse, Skanko, and Turbo so…

Till next time…”If you go, furious angels will bring you back to me…”