Washed Up Punk Bands

“…And then she said, ‘I hope you step on a landmine…’ “

Ill tempered? I think its safe to say I left New York City ill tempered. Let me bring you up to speed so you understand…

Few weeks ago Shane asks me to go to a Reel Big Fish concert at Irving Plaza with him. I say, “Who is playing with them?” Zebrahead, Gob, and The Matches. Now I only know of Zebrahead, other then RBF, and I’ve seen them once before and they were good live and I know Shane really wanted to go so I say OK I’ll go. Fast foward to last night. Its raining the entire trip up to New York. Hard. Me, Shane, and Danielle (a new Danielle, not the Bumber) are on our way up to the city via the Holland Tunnel. I am driving. Driving in NYC is easy for me now as long as I know exactly where I have to go and have detailed directions which we did. So anyway we get to Irving Plaza. Danielle sells her extra ticket for $20 to a scalper to which he turned around and sold them for $60! Anyway we get inside and this band The Matches was playing…This is where our story begins…

So this was my first General Admission concert in NYC. I consider myself a veteran to the General Admission concert because I’ve been to about 40,000 of them here in NJ and PA. Places like Birch Hill, Stone Pony, The Trocadero, and Theatre of Living Arts are all seconds homes to me. But this was my FIRST NYC one. I figured it would be the same as NJ or PA BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY WAS I WRONG! This single concert has effected how I will handle NYC concerts for the rest of my life. (More on that later) Anyway The Matches are playing and they are finishing up. Not too horrible but not great either. Then this band called, Gob comes on. I think this was the shittest band I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Not only did the singer suck ass this band had the gayest fat bassist I’ve ever seen in my life and he talked and said shit that made him the biggest faggot in the universe. Anyway Gob blew asshole and the only people rocking out and singing along were 12 year old girls and fat guys who obviously wouldn’t know good music if it licked their ball sack. Normally if we were in NJ people would be shouting at the stage “GET OFF THE STAGE.” “YOU SUCK!” or “GO HOME!” to which I usually chime in with my “BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS!” “YOU GUYS ARE PATHETIC” “I HOPE YOU DIE” or even “FUCK YOU!” To which usually concert goers around me laugh and smile because I’m pretty fucking loud and they know the band can hear me. So my urge to yell to Gob was strong but no one else was doing it. Could it be possible that everyone secertly likes this band? I didn’t know NOR did I care. All I knew was that I hated them and my NJ concert instincts were starting to take over. In between one of their songs I blurt out, “FUCK YOU!” followed by a “GO HOME!” I then waited to get kicked in the shin by some 12 year old girl who thought Gob was the greatest thing since the Spice Girls. But alas the people in the back with me were happy with my comments and started chiming in. “GET OFF THE STAGE!” ” YOU GUYS SUCK!” “I HATE YOU!” were all shouted at them after me. I was proud. I looked around at my fellow haters and they all laughed and smiled at me. After the band’s next song they decide that the lead singer is going to do some dancing for everyone and of course the faggot fat bassist had to do all the talking for this part. So the fat faggot says “Now Dan is going to shake his ass while he does a dance called, ‘The booty shake’ ” I shout, “YEAH? BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS!”. While it was real quiet. I know the fag heard me cause he kinda did a double take. But whatever they sucked my ball sack. I more or less knew I was in my own personal hell where they play nothing but B98.5 “punk” and the concert hall is filled with 12 year old girls who scream like Michael Jackson fans. But whatever they were almost done. Mean while its starting to get REALLY hot inside. I start to sweat….

Gob finished and it was the down time between them and Zebrahead. These three girls walk up to me, Shane, and Danielle. One girl says, “Would you like to buy this Pin for a dollar its for kfshfjkshkjd….” I couldn’t hear what she said it was for. “What is this pin for?” I say to her. She says, “We’re selling them for school their these Peace pins to fight against the war. They’re only a dollar will you buy one?” I say, “NO! I like war I’m not buying your pin.” “What did you say?” quip the 3 girls. “I like war. I’m not buying your pin.” say I. Then Shane whips out a dollar and buys one. While two of the girls are distracted with that, the other lone girl turns to me and says, “I HOPE YOU STEP ON A LANDMINE AND GET YOUR LEG BLOWN OFF!” and then she stormed away. One thing I hate about the whole punk scene is their leftist liberal ways and how the punks try and cram it down everyone’s throat. To that I say, If I wanted to talk politics I would have gone to a debate or political rally not a freaking concert…

Zebrahead came on and played. They’re a good live band and I enjoyed them. Reel Big Fish came on opened with Sell Out, Take on Me, and Beer. After that they played crap. I lost interested and counted the minutes until they were over. They did however play their new song that they play on Sirius a lot and I enjoy. They finished, we didn’t stay for the encore and left…

Through out the entire show we had sweaty fat people CONSTANTLY pushing through us and we had to move out of people’s way like 40,000 times. Also the freaking Mosh pits were in the back of the venue. THE WHOLE POINT OF BEING IN THE BACK IS TO AVOID THE MOSH PITS! So because of this I have adopted the following policies reguarding General Admission Concerts in NYC:

I, Sean Robert Piotrowski, refuse to go to a General Admission concert venue in New York City to see a show UNLESS I am with people who, like me, are 21 years of age and can go to the 21 or over floor.

Being with the people who aren’t twelve is where it is at. They are there for the music and the beer. Not to throw elbows and punch each other while running around in a circle…

People in NYC do not know proper concert procedures or behavior. People in PA and NJ do. Again re-affirming my belief that NJ is the most superior state in the Union…

We got out of New York in less then 20 minutes this time and only got lost for about 5 minutes compared to last times 45 minute of lost-ness. So we were happy about that. All in all a good evening and a great story. I can only hope the Iron Maiden, Dio, and Motorhead concert this Friday can yield an exciting time and make up for this semi-disaster of a concert.

I have work to do so I am going…

Till next time…”I think I’ll have myself a beer…”