Turbo Interview

Old Turbo and Sean

“Freakshow and Turbo two bad mothers…”

Hello one and All…Today I give you an interview I have been trying to bring to you for quite sometime. Today I got a chance to sit down with Mr. Dave “Turbo” Ullman and get his side of things. This interview was inspired by Nelson. I hope you enjoy…

Dave please introduce yourself
hello, my name is dave ullman. i am a junior engineering major at tcnj. i enjoy cars and music and other things as well. my band is good and you should like us.

Dave you go by the nickname Turbo. How did this come to be and what are your thoughts on the name?
i believe it came to be at outback steakhouse in brick, nj. you, casey, craig and i were eating and laughing of times past when nicknames came up. your nickname is freakshow, craigs is skanko and papi, and casey’s is something. i wanted a nickname so since i have an unnatural affection for turbos it was decided that would be my nickname, even though its not that good and people make fun of me when i tell them. and then craig scratched it into the table with a giant outback steak knife. i like the name, but lets just say i only let you and craig call me turbo.

Would you ever get the word Turbo Tatooed anywhere on your body and if so where?
no, but probably on my balls, because then it would be a ball-bearing turbo. HAHAHA. sorry, turbo joke. but seriously, on my balls. yeah, the balls.

Turbo its my understanding that you enjoy metal. Why is this and do you love Metal Chicks?
hmmm… why is it i love metal. because it is evil and taboo and people hate it. because it involves stories like bands having a contest of who could be more evil and then burning down churches, eating suicide victims brains and shooting homosexuals at the winter olympics. i have to thank justin freund for introducing me to black metal about 4 years ago. emperor was the first band i ever heard, and my tastes evolved and now i like all things metal except for that crap that most people call “nu-metal”, or “bad” as i like to call it. do i love metal chicks… who doesn’t?

Dave define your definition of a “fuckin’ fun time”.
that would be giant, inflatable water slides in the middle of the bay for no apparent reason. why are they there? i’ll tell you why. fuckin fun times.

If you will tell me your fondest Sean Piotrowski memory.
hmm… i think my fondest memory is when we went to stewarts and drank the super cold root beer. it was the same night we saw dave attell at rider, also a good time. also when i punched you in the back when you were drunk and throwing grass at me. that was pretty funny.
I don’t think I’ve ever had root beer so cold in my entire life as that night Turbo.

If you could destroy anything what would it be?
thats a tough one. i would probly destroy all of the little skateboarders who are like 4 and professionals. because i failed at skateboarding and i’m still bitter that there are 12 year olds better than me. i might destroy organized religion, but i won’t get into that.

If Dimmu Borgir asked you to destroy God for them would you?
hahahaha, no. because you can’t destroy something that doesn’t exist. ooohhhhhh, come on who wants to fight me. now that this has turned into dave’s religious beliefs forum.

Dave describe your perfect girl.
likes good music, volkswagens, or atleast cars, maybe throw a little snowboarding or something in there, owns a couple volcom shirts. that about covers it.
i’m more of a butt-man, but i’ll give it a thumbs up

Dave if you could be one thing what would it be?
a race car driver slash/metal guitar player. which is two things but i don’t care because if i could them at the same time it would even better. “ullman pulls onto the front straight and blasts out an amazing solo.” delicious.
A Super race car driver?
i said slash and typed a slash, haha. a super duper race car driver.

if you could have your pen sucked on by any 4 girls who would it be?
good wording. hillary duff (mmm… jailbait), jennifer esposito, britney spears (sorry sean), and any girl at the freehold mall. no jaime presley.

Dave Turbo Ullman I’d like to thank you for your time and enligtenment. Is there anything you’d like to say in closing to everyone?
i would just like to thank you for interviewing me, i hope i was amusing. i would also like to complement your website for the many hours of joy i get from reading about and commenting on your life. PEACE, LOVE, and CARGOES.

Thank you Turbo for your kind words and we look foward to hearing about your exploits soon. You can catch “The Turbo and Freakshow Show” Live September 27th in Fairfax, VA. Unfortunatly, there are only two tickets available to this show and they’re sold out…

In other news today I dropped a $2,000 Dell Computer from about 10 feet in the air onto asphault. It got all scuffed up and then I heard pieces rolling around inside. Ross and I hooked it up anyway and it worked fine. But yet again I’ve committed another O.I.T. first to go along with me blowing out a whole wing of power in Poyda and having to work on the computer from 1982. The job never ceases to amaze me in good and bad ways…

Well everyone thats all for today…

Till next time…”The way you like it I’ll get inside you…”