I Was the President of Rider University

Dr. Mordechai Rozanski, President of Rider UniversityAlright so I took another week off from posting. Yeah yeah I know. Seriously thought nothing exciting happens when I’m not in school and having people traipse through the house looking for drugs and alcohol. Its only on the weekends do things get exciting and worth writing about…

So you all must be wondering why I am putting Mort’s picture on my website. Well first of all Mort is the President of Rider and he now has to watch out. You see two weeks ago during work we were installing software in the President’s Suite. My Boss, Shane “I’m a Big Vagina” Smith, Myself, and Dave “The Senior Tech”, were going to the different people in the office and giving them the software they needed. You see Shane has this thing about anyone touching the President’s machine other then him. So obviously I did not go gunning for it. After I was done installing the person I was assigned to do I went to go to the President’s secretary to install on her machine. She looks at me and goes, “You want to go to Mort’s machine?” to which I just blankly stared and said, “Sure.” She escorted me into his office and logged me into his machine. I sat down in his chair. You see Mort was out sick that day. So by default being that I was the only person who sat in his chair the entire day, I was Rider University’s President for about 20 Minutes. Which is funny because a secret Rider goal of mine was to sit in the President’s chair before I graduated. Sure enough I completed that goal and quite frankly I never thought I’d be able to do it. Of course Shane came traipsing in and saw me in the chair gloating to which he started to cry in the corner and bitch as he usually does…

So this Friday we just had I wake up at 9:30 AM, late as always, for work. I go into the bathroom. I get my toothbrush and toothpaste. I turn the faucet. No Water comes out. I say to myself, “What the shit”. Then it hit me. The pipes had froze. You see our landlord and his wife had both called to remind us to run the water at night while we sleep. To which we were like “Those shit a’int gonna freeze fuck that”. Sure enough they did. Well to make a long story short our landlord came over with a space heater so we could thaw out our pipes and he didn’t even care mostly because our pipes did not burst and was very nice and helpful. But I did have to go to work without a shower…

“Do you know what it means to be a Scorpion?”
So this weekend I went to New York City with Kay and her friend Kat to meet up with Mr. and Mrs. 1985 to go to the Shepard Fairley exhibit at some art gallery. Shepard Fairley is the Obey guy, for those of you who don’t know. Well when we got to New York we found out the exhibit was closed for the night so we just decided to hang out. Mr. and Mrs. took us to a very nice Italian restaurant. I enjoyed it. We ate some octopus and kalimar and then had our respective main courses. Very enjoyable. Afterwards we introduced Kay and Kat to the Scorpions: Moment of Glory. The greatest concert DVD of all time. In which the most German band in the universe, The Scorpions, plays along with the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra. Then Kay’s friend Justin joined us. Turns out Justin was actually at EXPO 2000 in which the concert was recorded at. He actually wanted to go to see the Scorpions but got too drunk and forgot to go. Which to me was hilarious. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A SCORPION!? IT MEANS BEING 24 HOURS A DAY PLAYING MUSIC ALL AROUND THE WORLD! Thank you Klaus. After that Kay, Kat, and Justin wanted to Chezch out a Chezch bar HAHA! Me and Mr. and Mrs. 1985 opted for something a little more low key. We hit up a cigar bar in Little Italy for some beer, cigars, and dessert. It was mighty tasty. Then after waiting an hour for Kay and Kat to return I drove back to NJ in Danger Mouse type weather and didn’t get home until 5 AM…Crazy truth was revealed to me. I think I will make a SeanPiotrowski.net movie about it…

Till next time…”I won’t let you smother it I won’t let you murder it…”