SeanPiotrowski: Under the Knife 2004

Nerf Gun madness has swept 404…So I survived SeanPiotrowski: Under the Knife 2004. My morning started with me getting forced to wear a hospital gown and socks and nothing on TV except Regis and Kelly Live. After sitting in bed for about a good hour while my parents read their magazines my nurse, Mark, proceeded to give me IVs. The first time he couldn’t get it in so he had to hit me up in the arm rather then the hand. That was painful and fun. After that I was wheeled to the “holding” area which is more or less like an on deck circle for surgery. I then met 4 different people who asked me all of the same questions. The lady who works in the holding area was this stereotypical black lady who was very friendly. We watched the Ellen Degenerious show together and talked about crap. Then I was wheeled into the OR. I had to switch from the hospital bed to the OR table. That was a lot of fun. By this point I had been asked 40,000 times if I wanted a hot blanket and had received about 5 by this time. Dr. Giri (My ear specialist) came in and talked to me about Mosh Pits and Hardcore Dancing for apparently he is an expert on the subject. Then the anesthesia guy came in and gave me the anesthesia. I felt good for like 45 seconds and then I died. Next thing I know I wake up in a recovery room in a hospital bed. I just now realized this. How did I get from the OR table into a bed if I was completely out? I am afraid to find the answer. When I awoke in the recovery room I was insane. I vaguely remember babbling about drinking too much Jagermiester and how I was sorry. The recovery room nurse, who looked like Larry David’s wife on Curb, seemed annoyed with me at this point. She then switched assignments with the gay nurse. I then started to annoy him about my blood pressure and how he had to tell my mom what it was. (My mom thinks because my Blood Pressure was high for my pre-admission testing that I am going to die) Apparently they did tell her cause my mom told me they told her. After about 20 minutes in the recovery room I was getting bored. The gay nurse asked me if I was having fun yet. I told him that I was bored and wanted to see my parents. He said I could leave soon and that I had to hang out a little while longer. After that I got wheeled back to my room and Mom and Dad were there. Mark then brought me Corn Flakes, Milk, Jello, a roll, and black coffee. In order to leave same day surgery you have to Pee before they let you leave. I was aware of this before I even got there so I was ready for this. You see when I was sitting there watching Regis and Kelly I felt the small urge to pee. I decided to store it for after the surgery. Sure enough when they wheeled me back to my room and Mark said, “Do you think you can urinate for us yet?” I said, “Hell yea. I’m ready to go.” My mom thought I should eat and then go. So I did. I got dressed, Peed, and then got to walk outside. Apparently they broke a rule for me, you’re supposed to leave a hospital in a wheel chair and you’re not allowed to walk. But it worked. My mom then brought me to Wendy’s for a #6 and then we went to Toys R Us. I saw Nerf guns which I bought the next day. Back at home I popped on my Star Trek 6 bonus features DVD and passed out to the sweet sounds of William Shatner. I woke up at around 5 PM feeling alright and ready to go back to Trenton…

Before I could leave I had to take a shower. For this I got to put in my new EAR PLUGS! You see I can’t get water in my ears because it’ll cause an instant infection. So I get to wear these cool ear plugs that are really balls of silicone. So I took a shower and rolled back to Trenton…

Everyone then met up with me at 404 and we all went to see Kill Bill Vol. 2. While talking in my room with everyone John Sarin yelled, “WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU TODAY MAKE YOU TALK LOUDER?!” Apparently I was talking a lot louder then I usually talk. We rolled 7 deep to the movies and enjoyed ourselves. Then went to Fridays where I was in rare form. It was like I was drunk or something but I wasn’t. I also laced into our waiter real bad too. He sucked. At one point he tried being a smart ass with me to which I replied, “Keep it up pal. Every time you’re a smart ass that’s one percent off your tip and I’m keeping track…” He then ran away like a wounded fawn. I also saw Dana, President of the College Democrats, at Fridays she came up to me and asked me about my ears. After eating we paid and I gave only 15% tip and we left…

Kill Bill 2 was great. It took me two viewings to be able to figure out how I felt about the movie as a whole (1 and 2 together) but now I am confident in my feelings that it is a fabulous movie. Go see it if you have not…

I am going to go. The Sopranos are on soon…

Till next time…”I’m still in love and I’m still in loveeeeeee…”